MIDTERM MADNESS

If Democrats Win, They’ll Eat All Our Babies & Americans Will Go Extinct!

But Republicans won’t let them if the GOP wins back Congress

Photo by Nihal Karkala on Unsplash

Yesterday, Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy released the Republican Party’s official “Contract with America” for the 2024 elections.

However, it’s an unusual document because it states no policy positions or ideological beliefs that Republicans have, and instead fear mongers on what Democrats allegedly might do if they keep Congressional majorities in one or both chambers of Congress:

• Democrats will abort all babies starting in January so that Americans will be on track to go extinct by the year 2110
• Democrats will convert, at gunpoint, all caucasian children to Chinese
• Democrats will change everyone’s pronouns to “Karl” and “Marx”
• Democrats will change the Pledge of Allegiance to say “I pledge my butthole to the flag of ISIS, and to the Biden dictatorship, for which it stands, one communist commune, under Allah, all transexual, with socialism and abortions for all”
• Democrats will have the Department of Education ban all gym class activities in schools except drag queen pole dancing