I Found Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Online Dating Profile!

She’s on the Trump-loving dating site MAGA Cupid.

Dash MacIntyre
3 min readOct 1, 2022


Credit: Gage Skidmore || via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

I found MTG’s profile on the pro-Trump dating site MAGA Cupid:


Hey, y’all! Ol’ Marge is back on the market!

Everyone knows I was DTF before the divorce, but now I’m down for anything! You may know me from helping incite an insurrection at the Capitol, but on here I’m only trying to incite an erection in my mandible, if you catch my drift…😉


  • My ideal mate type is like a mix between Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Heinrich Himmler. MUST have strong authoritarian tendencies, DOESN’T read books, and ACCEPTING of an open relationship. I get invitations to some of the hottest coke orgies in the D.C. area, and you must have a strong stomach and not be too squeamish because Chuck Grassley is a depraved pervert who eats more ass than the rest of Congress combined.
  • I’m a good Christian girl.
  • NO libtards, Jews, Muslims, Asians, Blacks, or Hispanics. The only people getting in me are the people the Founding Fathers intended to get in America: agrarian Christian whites who didn’t graduate high school.
  • MUST LOVE guns, Tucker Carlson, and boycotting dozens of companies and businesses that the liberals brainwash to be Woke and socialist.
  • I love conspiracies. I not only know Bigfoot is real, I dated one in the late 90s (he left me because my feet were bigger, and it threatened his masculinity). My feet are a size 13 in men’s.
  • MUST be cool with the fact that I have about double the Neanderthal DNA as the average human.
  • MUST be willing to abandon your life, move into the sewers, eat garbage, disguise your body scent with feces, and wage guerrilla warfare against the libs for years at the moment when QAnon announces that the Storm has begun.
  • My turn-offs: college degrees, science, vaccines, Nike shoes, Hollywood, rap and hip-hop, the NFL, the NBA, fact-checking, grammar, spelling corrections, historical accuracy, contextual understanding of the Bible, most of…



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.