How To Live Like A Republican
Life hacks on how to become more like the paragon of contemporary Republican values: Ebenezer Scrooge
Are you trying to decrease the level of stress in your life? The Republican Party just published guidelines on how to live like a Republican, with the following tried-and-true life hacks the GOP has utilized for decades that you can incorporate into your life:
Are you hopelessly in debt and supporting yourself on deficit-spending? Ask your boss for a pay cut! His company will save so much money he’s surely going to trickle down an unbelievable amount of wealth to you. And who knows how many extra jobs he’ll create for you? Maybe you can start working two full-time jobs! Or three! When your entire daily schedule gets to full employment for all 24 hours, you’ll be living the high life!
Is your neighborhood filled with litter and trash? Forget about picking it up yourself! Why start doing anything to clean up before all your neighbors do something first? You don’t want to harm your personal financial situation by spending your time and hard-earned money gathering up all the garbage in your car and driving it to a dumpster down the street yourself. And, besides, there’s no reason to believe the little bits of litter you throw out the window every few hours are directly…
