God Has No Clue How Republicans Can Look At The World And Think He’s “Pro-Life”

Due to the controversy over the Supreme Court gutting Roe V. Wade, God just held a press conference and said He’s annoyed how conservatives claim to speak for what He wants.

“Anywhere from 25–50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, considering how many women don’t even realize they ever got pregnant before it naturally ends, so why do conservatives think I’m so adamant women should not have control over their own bodies and reproductive rights?” God asked rhetorically to reporters. “In general, I can’t say that death and murder bother Me much. Have you ever seen a nature documentary? There’s nothing that gets Me going more than a pack of wolves chasing down and eating a baby deer or sheep! The universe is not a very pleasant place for fetuses and newborns! Have you ever seen a mommy crab just sit there with her thousands of baby crabs eating them as they hatch? I love that stuff!”

God chuckled.

“You know how many species have to give birth to hundreds of young at a time because the only way the species continues on genetically is if enough are born to fill up mommy’s tummy so the others have a chance to run or swim away and grow up? I do, and it’s a f*** ton! Why do you think I designed Hell? I love to see suffering! I’m not a nice deity. Though I have calmed…