Everything Donald Trump Has Claimed Was “Rigged Against Him”

Dash MacIntyre
2 min readAug 1, 2022
(Official White House Photo by Tia Dufour listed as Public Domain CC 1.0)

At some point in his life, Donald Trump has claimed the following things were rigged against him:

  • The button on his pants during dinner
  • Underboob sweat
  • Ramps and stairs
  • Loan officers in American banks
  • Approval ratings
  • Movie stars and Hollywood
  • Mike Pence
  • Books and reading in general
  • The pull-up bar in in middle and high school
  • Impeachment votes in the House of Representatives
  • COVID19
  • Chafing on his taint and nipples
  • Campaign managers who don’t get arrested
  • Giving women orgasms
  • Male children
  • Incest laws
  • The military, which wouldn’t help him with a coup
  • The IRS
  • James Comey, Bob Mueller, Merrick Garland, Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, the Southern District of New York, the State of New York, the State of Georgia, and the Department of Justice
  • Golf tournaments
  • Georgia, Arizona, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania
  • Black women’s votes
  • Seeing his penis beneath his tummy since at least 1981
  • Hair follicles
  • Varicose veins in his legs
  • Thigh gaps
  • God
  • Divorce courts
  • Melania Trump’s hand-holding
  • The casino industry, the steak industry, the vodka industry, the airline industry, and the for-profit university industry
  • Writing books without a ghostwriter
  • Election lawsuits
  • Twitter
  • The size of his hands
  • Bone spurs in his feet
  • Trade deals with China
  • Nuclear deals with Iran and North Korea
  • Mexico’s willingness to pay for a wall
  • Obamacare healthcare replacement plans
Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Follow THP at twitter.com/HalfwayPost to read my Dada news.