Donald Trump’s Uncle Who Works At MIT Thinks He’s An Idiot
“All those paint chips he used to eat as a kid really wrecked his brain.”
Former President Donald Trump regularly speaks of his uncle who worked at MIT, and references his uncle’s intelligence as an indication of his own brain power.
I reached out to Uncle John G. Trump to get his thoughts on his nephew, and the following is a transcript of our conversation:
Dash MacIntyre: “What do you think about your nephew Donald Trump?”
John G. Trump: “He was an even dumber President than I thought he’d be, and that’s saying something because I was sure my nephew would be absolutely terrible, inept, incompetent, and emotionally unfit for the job. I’ve known him his whole life, and, unfortunately, all those paint chips he used to eat as a kid clearly had disastrously negative effects on his brain development. His parents were always catching him licking the walls, and eating the flakes he could pick off when they weren’t looking. Every time I’d come over to visit they’d be yelling at him constantly about it. And, don’t forget, in those days the paint was loaded up with lead. You’re not supposed to have lead in your system when you’re growing up, and Donald J. Trump is a perfect case study of why.”
DM: “You’re clearly a smart guy with a distinguished career, and the former president always points to you as a reason for why he’s smarter than the advisers and experts around him.”
JT: “My nephew has sadly always been a hyperbolic moron. I’m not his father, so it’s not like he directly inherited my specific sequences of genes. Me and his dad were quite a bit different, you know? I spent my life studying medical applications of high voltage machinery to clean up city wastewater, and doing cancer research, whereas Fred became a tyrannical slumlord obsessed with avarice. Maybe my brains were a family fluke, or some kind mutation toward magnanimity. And then obviously Donnie’s mother had a whole different set of genes that she passed on to him. And, of course, no one can know what all those paint chips and all the lead he was constantly sucking on and swallowing did to his DNA methylation.”