Donald Trump’s Mother’s Day Message Is Classic Trump

“Happy Mother’s Day to all my wives who I’ve always been totally loyal and 100% dedicated to!”

Dash MacIntyre

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(Official White House photo by Joyce N. Boghosian | Public Domain CC 1.0)

It’s your favorite president here, Donald J. Trump, the most-respecting-of-mothers president this country has ever had, maybe even more than Lincoln and Washington combined!

Having been totally vindicated in my rape trial against that awful woman E. Jean Carroll, who my lawyers proved without a doubt lied about everything no matter what the jury said or how many millions of dollars I am legally required to give her, I have a special message for all the mothers of my children, who I’ve always been totally loyal and 100% dedicated to: Happy Mother’s Day!

I’d also like to wish a very warm happy Mother’s Day to all the suburban white moms out there who better switch back to voting for Republicans in 2024! But not just any Republicans, only me. I don’t want anyone who voted for Ron DeSanctimonious, or those nasty women like Nikki Haley, Liz Cheney, or any other dogs who might run against me! I feel sorry for their kids. What horrible, rag-soaking monsters those mothers are! Don’t celebrate any RINO mothers out there this Mother’s Day!

But on this day we recognize all the good mothers who do so much for our kids, particularly…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.