THE ART OF DATING

Donald Trump’s Dating Tips For Alpha Males Like Him

Dash MacIntyre

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(AI image made by Midjourney)

The following are Donald Trump’s best dating tips:

  • “It’s easy to impress women on dates by walking into the restaurant and announcing to all the other diners that you’re going to pay for all their meals. Of course, I always leave without buying anyone anything — why would I really buy dinner for all those losers? — but it makes you look good in front of your date!”
  • “Girls always play hard to get, so it’s best to sneak up on them and surprise them. I’m sure you’ve seen the whole grab-’em-by-the-you-know-what video. The fake news media attacks me so much for that, but I’m telling the truth! You can’t let women know you’re about to grab them because then they swat your hands away!”
  • “It’s hard to do ever since I got famous, but when I was in high school and college, I’d always pretend to be blind and get a cane and some real dark sunglasses, and then fake stumble my way into the women’s locker rooms and bathrooms. Great way to see some skin.”
  • “I like to pretend to fall around women so I can reach out and grab their boobs. Works like a charm as long as they don’t try to sue you. But always keep some cash on you so you can bribe them to sign a quick non-disclosure agreement!”
  • “Order meals for your dinner…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.