Donald Trump’s Brain Worm Summer

Late August’s Dada News headlines!

Photo by Nathan Cima on Unsplash

BIG IF TRUE:

• RFK Jr. reportedly endorsed Donald Trump in exchange for an administration job as “Worm Czar.”
• The worm in RFK Jr.’s brain decided to endorse Donald Trump because it thought, if it could sneak into Trump’s brain, the eating would be tastier on account of how much fried food Trump has eaten his entire life, meaning his brain must be extra fatty and greasy.
• Stephen Miller and RFK Jr. have reportedly become best friends since Kennedy joined the Trump campaign, bonding over their shared passion for doing things with animal carcasses.
• Kamala Harris says the only debate rule she cares about is that Trump must be at least 15 feet away so his well-documented stench isn’t too distracting.
• Donald Trump is threatening to make all Republican members of Congress boycott Fox News if they keep publishing polls of Kamala Harris’s lead growing.
• Trump claims Democrats are teaching millions of illegal immigrants how to pick up random telephones and say, “I support Kamala Harris,” in English, and that’s why polls are giving Harris a widening lead.
• Stephen Miller and RFK Jr. have reportedly been hanging out a lot together in Miller’s basement, which he doesn’t…