Donald Trump Is Searching Far And Wide For A New Lawyer With The “It Factor”

Photo by Hunters Race on Unsplash

The following is Donald Trump’s job listing for a new lawyer who will keep him out of jail and turn around public perception of his crimes:

JOB DESCRIPTION

The Former President of the United States (FPOTUS) Donald J. Trump is looking for a new lawyer to join his growing legal team, and help fight, delay, and obstruct several ongoing criminal investigations including for fraud, insurrection, and espionage! Love for a fast-paced work environment is a must, as our team has very high turnover.

*** MUST be willing to sign an all-inclusive non-disclosure agreement! ***

QUALIFICATIONS

• Previous on-air TV experience from Fox News, OAN, or Newsmax
• Blondes strongly preferred (an “Ivanka-esque” look will be given preferential treatment for women)
• Big breasts (inquire about our new-hire bonus of free implants) for women, full head of hair (inquire about our new-hire bonus of hair implants) for men
• Team player and a clean criminal record (you may be expected to claim guilt for a couple crimes and/or obstruct justice, you know, for the team, but pardons will be negotiable if Trump is reelected)
• Intimate knowledge of the fast…