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Donald Trump Is Now Teaching Bible Lessons At A Megachurch
Donald Trump has a shaky grasp of the Bible, and it’s always obvious he has no clue what he’s talking about when he tries to answer questions about his favorite Bible stories.
The following are things Trump has said when asked to elaborate on his thoughts about Jesus:
The Ark
“A lot of people don’t know this, but Jesus was a great boatbuilder. Maybe the best boatbuilder of all time. His Ark was just incredible, especially at that time. A lot of people had no idea arks could be so great. The way he sailed the Jewish people out of Egypt to the Promised Land of Sodomy and Gonorrhea during the Great Flood showed such intelligence and courage. He must have had a big brain. Sometimes I wonder how the brains of the Trump family compare to the big brains of the Christ family. The doctor told my mother when I was born, ‘Ma’am, your baby has the biggest brain I’ve ever seen!’ He couldn’t believe it. He told me, with tears in his eyes, “Sir, you are the biggest brained baby maybe of all time. I wonder if baby Jesus’s doctor said the same thing to Mrs. Christ. In a way, building arks is kind of like building big, beautiful casinos. I could build a big, beautiful ark. No one knows more about arks than me. Except maybe Jesus. Me and Jesus sure are similar, aren’t we, folks?”
