WE ALL SEE THIS HAPPENING

Donald Trump Is F**king The Elephant Corpse Of The GOP

Dash MacIntyre

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Photo by Sergi Ferrete on Unsplash
  1. Donald Trump’s tough guy branding is dangerously dependent on his hair not getting wet in the rain. He skips out on WWII memorials and holding umbrellas over his wife’s head to protect his nasty, fake hair combed over badly from getting moist.
  2. Donald Trump’s depraved, unquenchable thirst for gauche iconification has made him the savior for an electorally declining conservative movement absorbed in an insular zeitgeist of xenophobia and ends-justify-the-means political villainy. Or, in a simpler term, fascist.
  3. Trump calls everything “the best,” “the worst,” and “tremendous” because he doesn’t have the cognizance to describe nuance or complexity. People who can’t explain things don’t understand them. His basic, superlative vocabulary betrays a bad case of toddler brain. He quite literally speaks at an elementary school level.
  4. Trump’s unprecedented deal making, “easily-winnable” trade wars, and ability to keep us exhausted from all his winning did not live up to the hype of his Dunning-Kruger confidence. His 2016 campaign was a spectacular Hindenburg of lies and broken promises.
  5. Donald Trump is the laziest president since Warren Harding, and at least Harding had the decency to admit he was in over his head and should not have ever been elected president. Trump has no such self-awareness.
  6. Donald Trump’s Twitter was more bitchy than a teenage girl’s burn book, and he got banned for being a societal danger and national security threat.
  7. The Trump family’s sociopathic sense of self-importance via inherited wealth from Trump’s dad and grandpa is reminiscent of why the Western world decapitated absolutist monarchs and abolished aristocracies.
  8. Donald Trump’s foreign policy as president only made sense when you remember he’s always in desperate need of current and future liquid cash to pay off the ludicrous loans he can’t help himself from taking out from foreign banks and oligarchs because American banks have all been burned by his comically bad business sense and preposterous dishonesty. Also, his daughter and son-in-law got $2 billion from Saudi Arabia, and his golf courses are being selected for the Saudi LIV golf tour…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.