Crazy Letters I Got From Trump’s Biggest MAGA Fan

A MAGA fan from Arkansas regularly mails me letters full of editorial demands and threats.

Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

A MAGA fan from Arkansas mailed me a letter full of editorial demands hoping I’d start to publish articles with the kind of content she wanted to see.

She also claimed that she had spoken with God, and that He demanded I immediately begin writing pro-Trump content. It was quite impressive that God shared the exact same beliefs as her.

She also demanded I retract several dozen claims I have made in my satirical articles, and she explained her demands in several pages’ worth of letters:

• “You must quit your Deep State propagandizing, and admit QAnon is real! The Deep State is real! The government is filled with Deep State pedophiles, and they’re plowing little kids in their D.C. offices, and they’re drinking the kids’ blood in adrenochrome cocktail happy hour celebrations where they party and celebrate communism by aborting a bunch of babies underneath giant portraits of Vladimir Lenin, and, like Woke Mind Virus slaves, they say a prayer to Karl Marx and ask him for help turning America into a socialist dystopia. They’re going to install Barack Obama’s two daughters as co-dictators who will rule America with iron fists and unquenchable thirst for the blood of white descendants of colonizers to fulfill their father’s dream of putting all the Christians in gulags and turning America into a Muslim caliphate where we have to start eating hummus for every meal, and all the meat sections in our grocery stores have nothing but camel meat!”
• “Stop saying Donald Trump has ‘dainty, little, porky, sausage fingers.’ How can you disrespect the President of the United States? You know, the Nazis had a few good ideas, and one of them was that it was considered treasonous to insult the Führer. Presidents deserve respect, if not for the man then at least for the office. And Trump was the best president we’ve ever had. Way better than ‘Let’s Go Brandon,’ who is so brain-dead and biologically expired his body must be soaked in ice baths every night starting at 4pm to stop it from decomposing, and to prevent his extremities from literally just falling off and terrifying little children because even Joe Biden’s…