Come Pick And Choose At The Christian Bible Cafeteria!
Welcome to the Christian Cafeteria, where we assure you we have the widest ideological selection of Judeo-Christian beliefs in town!
We have all the staples served a la carte for you to pick and choose from, and catalogue your very own personal Christian theology! We operate on an all-you-can-believe basis, so you can keep coming back up until you’re totally full of your favorite Christian themes.
Whether your approach to faith is fundamentalist, orthodox, moderate, progressive, or even just a little spiritual, you’re going to find all the thoughtfully curated Commandments, Bible passages, abominations, virtues, and role models that fit the preconceived dogma you no doubt already settled on before coming in!
Our promise to you is that we will never judge your selections. Though you may choose to harshly judge any number of sexual and gender identities, racial ethnicities or other religions, and feel uncomfortable around any number of varying lifestyles, our employees are specifically trained not to laugh, get offended, or point out how hypocritical or logically paradoxical your selections are. Our cafeteria is a safe space for belligerent hostility!
So come on in, and try for yourself the Christian Cafeteria! It’s fast, easy, and wholesome fun for the whole family. Don’t…
