Biologists Just Named A New Monkey Species That Pee On Each Other After Donald Trump

Dash MacIntyre
2 min readMay 31, 2022
Photo from Pixabay

A new species of howler monkey just discovered deep in the Amazon river basin has been named after President Donald Trump.

The monkey, scientifically named Alouatta donaldea trumpis, is blonde-haired and spends most of its time in the Amazon canopy foraging for flowers, fruits, and nuts. The monkey has a complex social structure, with trumpis monkeys living in groups of six to fifteen.

The most startling similarity to President Trump, however, is the trumpis monkey’s reproductive behavior. Following copulation the female trumpis monkey will pee on its male mate.

Biologists are unsure of the evolutionary reason for this post-coital behavior, but a few theories have been proposed.

One theory suggests the female trumpis monkey’s urine marks her mate and keeps competitor females away. Another theory suggests that the female trumpis monkey’s urine expels pheromones that make the male sleepy after copulation, allowing the female a time-out of sorts to rest before being bothered again.

Another unusual, Trump-like behavior is that Trumpis males spend much of their free time when not foraging for food grooming their daughters, but don’t seem very interested in paying the same attention to their sons, who are…



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.