Advice For Homo Sapiens Living In This Era Of The Holocene

Free advice on the aesthetic of life

Dash MacIntyre

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Photo by Jens Kreuter on Unsplash

Always read the room.

The easiest way to impress the world is with an expansive vocabulary.

If a street performer catches your attention as you walk by you owe him a buck. If he makes you stop you owe him more. Feel responsible for your city’s entertainers.

Go for more walks and give more flower bouquets.

Decide to want to do a bit of everything, say yes, and follow through.

Animals were bred by plants to eat their seeds and defecate them in new places… that’s pretty much the reason why we’re here.

Be your best friend and favorite vice, and refill yourself when on empty.

Don’t ever find yourself telling strangers how they should be spending their free time.

Remember that everything you think you know is relative, anecdotal, circumstantial, and anthropocentric.

Teach yourself to like a lot of different things, or, better yet, everything.

Books tend to come to you not a day too late nor a moment too soon, and help you to know just how to reorient your life. Go to the library often.

There is no greater trophy than a fully read book sitting on your mantel.

Do not trust anyone who doesn’t tell you when you have spinach in your teeth.

Having heart is always smarter than clever selfishness.

Never miss a chance to laugh at the century.

Remember you are a background walker more often than a protagonist.

America did not intend for you to climb the ladder and kick it out when you got to the top.

You cannot please yourself pleasing everyone else.

We get to have our equal and opposite reactions.

Things never fall easily into open, uncalloused hands.

A hundred triumphs in a thousand days is enough to hope for yourself.

Volunteering first gives you a valid excuse for whatever the outcome.

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.