A Televangelist Says Captain America’s Bulge In The Marvel Movies Is Why COVID Happened
Televangelist Phil Worthing of the Straight White Christian Alliance Network generated controversy this weekend by blaming the spread of the coronavirus in America on the Avengers superhero movies from Marvel, specifically Captain America:
“God is so furious right now, and it’s because the Gay Agenda has rammed a fully erect heresy from Satan straight down every good Christian’s throat until we gag! I’m talking, of course, about the giant bulge Captain America had in his spandex suit in all the Marvel movies! No one wants to see Chris Evans’s bulge, nor his tight butt, nor his massive pecs, nor his rock hard biceps! We’re not homosexuals! We’re not infected with the gay! In fact, I’m starting to think Chris Evans may be Satan himself! When I see his scenes in those movies, I find myself getting mysteriously aroused, and I’m as straight as can be! I suspect some kind of dark, evil magic has corrupted those films! The Gay Agenda must have snuck in some dark, subliminal, Satanist messages in the film!”
Worthing made a sign of the cross over his chest.
“On a related note, Black Widow’s suit is way too tight as well. It’s revolting to see Scarlett Johansson flaunt her feminine curves like that. This is why it doesn’t make sense for women to take off…
