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HOMOPHOBE ALERT
A Republican Candidate Is So Anti-Gay That Everyone Is Assuming He’s Secretly Gay
“He’s obviously projecting his own insecurities onto the perfectly friendly and loving gay community here in Mississippi.”
Mississippi Republican Senate candidate Paul Donovan has made so many virulently homophobic public statements that Mississippians across the state agree, underneath his facade of self-described Christian values, he must be homosexual himself.
“There’s just no way this Donovan fellow isn’t a self-consciously closeted gay,” explained local Republican voter George Hawkins, 41. “He shows all the signs. He regularly compares homosexuality to bestiality, he loves pray-away-the-gay camps for kids, he spends a weird amount of time protesting gay pride parades and drag shows, he says gay marriage has ruined his straight marriage, he’s totally opposed to allowing loving gay couples to adopt children, and he even uses the word ‘fag’ in his Facebook posts. There is no doubt in my mind that this guy is secretly ‘too gay to function’ as the kids call it these days.”
Other Mississippi voters have started a campaign to find Mr. Donovan’s Grindr account, which they agree must exist.
“Me and a big group of my friends have all offered $20 each in a giant pot of reward money for…
