A List Of The Craziest Executive Orders Trump Tried To Sign

Dash MacIntyre
4 min readJun 28, 2022
(Official White House Photo by Tia Dufour listed as Public Domain CC 1.0)

The following are things Donald Trump reportedly tried to sign executive orders to accomplish while president:

  • Arresting Hillary Clinton
  • Wiretapping Meryl Streep, adding her to the FBI’s Most Wanted list
  • Cutting his own taxes to -35%
  • Promoting Ivanka to Secretary of Defense
  • Forcing every governmental conference of every department, agency, and military contracting company to take place at a Trump-owned property.
  • Labeling Kenya as a “State Sponsor of Terrorism” on account of Barack Obama’s presidency
  • Declaring war against the United Nations after delegates laughed at him (and not with him) several times during his address to the UN
  • Pulling the United States out of the UN, and starting a new international organization called the “United America First Nations”
  • Nationalizing Diet Coke so he wouldn’t have to pay for his 16 daily cans anymore
  • Declaring himself an “Honorary Vietnam Veteran”
  • Pulling America out of any and every treaty that Barack Obama signed
  • Renaming the White House officially as “Trump Manor”
  • Making White House staff wear skimpy French maid costumes
  • Launching a federal lottery to give one American a billion dollars and fixing it so he could win
  • Making the IRS buy and mail a copy of The Art of the Deal for every citizen to “teach America everything they need to know about finance”
  • Spending tax dollars on a new boob job for Melania
  • Issuing Eric Trump a new birth certificate so he could revoke paternity
  • Spending tax dollars on “making Eric disappear”
  • Minting a $3 bill featuring his face and Mar-a-Lago on the back
  • Making “presidential harassment” a federal crime
  • Deporting all DREAMer women who are “7’s or less” immediately
  • Giving Alabama to Mexico in exchange for Mexico paying for the wall, on account of how much he hated his former Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, for not ending the…
Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Follow THP at twitter.com/HalfwayPost to read my Dada news.