A List Of The Craziest Executive Orders Trump Tried To Sign
4 min readJun 28, 2022
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The following are things Donald Trump reportedly tried to sign executive orders to accomplish while president:
- Arresting Hillary Clinton
- Wiretapping Meryl Streep, adding her to the FBI’s Most Wanted list
- Cutting his own taxes to -35%
- Promoting Ivanka to Secretary of Defense
- Forcing every governmental conference of every department, agency, and military contracting company to take place at a Trump-owned property.
- Labeling Kenya as a “State Sponsor of Terrorism” on account of Barack Obama’s presidency
- Declaring war against the United Nations after delegates laughed at him (and not with him) several times during his address to the UN
- Pulling the United States out of the UN, and starting a new international organization called the “United America First Nations”
- Nationalizing Diet Coke so he wouldn’t have to pay for his 16 daily cans anymore
- Declaring himself an “Honorary Vietnam Veteran”
- Pulling America out of any and every treaty that Barack Obama signed
- Renaming the White House officially as “Trump Manor”
- Making White House staff wear skimpy French maid costumes
- Launching a federal lottery to give one American a billion dollars and fixing it so he could win
- Making the IRS buy and mail a copy of The Art of the Deal for every citizen to “teach America everything they need to know about finance”
- Spending tax dollars on a new boob job for Melania
- Issuing Eric Trump a new birth certificate so he could revoke paternity
- Spending tax dollars on “making Eric disappear”
- Minting a $3 bill featuring his face and Mar-a-Lago on the back
- Making “presidential harassment” a federal crime
- Deporting all DREAMer women who are “7’s or less” immediately
- Giving Alabama to Mexico in exchange for Mexico paying for the wall, on account of how much he hated his former Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, for not ending the…
