A Homophobic Televangelist Claims His Gay Sex Tape Is “All A Big Misunderstanding”

Photo by Diana Vargas

A video Facebook post from infamously homophobic televangelist Rick Palermo of the Assembly of Leviticus has gone viral because in it he apologizes for “accidentally doing a sodomy.”

“Folks, you know me, I’m probably the biggest fan and disciple of the book of Leviticus in the country, let alone our humble state of Arkansas,” said Palermo. “I love Leviticus so much I even named our beloved church after it. And I read from Leviticus every day. And my favorite passage is the one about gay people going to Hell because I’m so not gay that I’m probably the least gay person on the planet. I’m going straight to straight Heaven when I die! Which brings me to the subject of this address. Last weekend, an incident occurred that in no way accurately reflects the very true fact that I am not gay one bit. However, unfortunately, this incident was caught on tape, and is being held over my head as blackmail, so I thought the best thing for me to do was to just be honest and admit my totally innocent mistake. I’m not going to give in to the blackmail, so the video of my incident will probably soon be released to the public. So let me prepare all you, my faithful flock of Leviticus lovers, because the video will probably look a little bad. It’s not edited, and is one long, uncut take, but the video is being presented completely out of context.”

Palermo paused before continuing, and took a deep breath.

“At face value, this video will appear to be a gay porn video of me being gay in a gay club’s gay bathroom, but what you don’t see behind the scenes before the video starts is that I only went into the club not realizing it was a gay club. I thought it was a nightclub for Christian straights to get together and hold hands while praying. Nothing further sexually. So the sodomy I accidentally did was only because I had to go to the bathroom, and I went in there innocently with only Jesus Christ on my mind. But there must have been some gay sperm on the floor or something because I slipped, grabbed a toilet lid for balance where a rolled up dollar bill somehow got wedged in between my fingers, and I accidentally snorted a few lines of cocaine that someone had irresponsibly left on the seat. The shock disoriented me because everything was happening so fast…