A Former White House Staffer Just Leaked Crazy Trump Secrets!

Dash MacIntyre
3 min readJun 16, 2022
(Official White House Photo by Tia Dufour listed as Public Domain CC 1.0)
  • Trump kept several framed Rubik’s Cubes on shelves in the Oval Office he told foreign leaders and diplomats that he finished by himself, but no one believed he has anywhere near enough patience to figure out the algorithms.
  • He accidentally texted his Chiefs of Staff Reince Priebus, John Kelly, and Mark Meadows “Ivanka, u up?” several times.
  • Kim Jong-un catfished him pretending to be a sexy, teenaged aspiring model from North Korea, and got him to text the North Korean government a picture of his genitals.
  • He made White House staffers search the Rose Garden lawn for dropped coins after every press event and ceremony held there, and he always accused them of keeping some when they brought him the coins they found.
  • He had to get the White House fire extinguishers replaced once a month because of how many fires were accidentally started due to his copious use of aerosol hairspray.
  • Melania Trump several times left rats and cockroaches in Ivanka’s White House office.
  • The days he would meet with young prime ministers like Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron were the days that the color of his facial makeup and hair dye got brightest and most bold.
  • He didn’t know South America existed until 2017, and always thought it referred to Mexico.
  • He once did a photo-op with the women’s national college championship softball team after accidentally using green foundation makeup instead of his usual orange.
  • He used a finger-lengthening contraption each morning for a half-hour.
  • He once asked Secretary of State Mike Pompeo during a briefing on North Korea’s nuclear missile program which porn stars he had paid for sex. When Pompeo said he hadn’t ever done that, Trump was silent for a moment, and then said he hadn’t either.
  • He once told a White House janitor that he has “no clue who this Jesus guy is,” but at this point is afraid to ask.
  • He told the White House phone operators to never let calls from his sons Eric and Don Jr. through to the Oval Office, even if they said it was an emergency.
  • He asked no less than a dozen times to set up…
Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.