A Billionaire Built Trump A Retirement Home Replicating The White House

Trump can live in it for free until his federal trials lock him up, under the condition he not attempt any other insurrection coups.

Dash MacIntyre

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Credit: D. Myles Cullen (via Flickr / CC BY-SA 2.0)

Billionaire David Cubano just announced he is funding the creation of a special “MAGA themed” retirement home just for Donald Trump.

The retirement home will include an exact replica of Donald Trump’s Oval Office so he can think he’s still the president, and spend his sundowning years blissfully ignorant that he lost another election.

“I want everything to be authentic so Trump is comfortable,” Cubano said, “I want him to be able to wake up every morning and head to the fake Oval Office to watch his ‘Executive Hours’ of Fox News content. The TVs will just repeat a best-of montage of real Fox content from the years 2017–2020 in which Fox hosts praise him, and his desk will even have a big red button that lets him think he’s nuking North Korea, or Nancy Pelosi, or every windmill in America. I’ve thought of everything Trump would want so he finally just retires into obscurity and leaves us and our democracy alone. All the nurses will all be blonde and give off a subliminal ‘Ivanka vibe.’ All the employees will be white except for one token member of each…

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Dash MacIntyre
Dash MacIntyre

Written by Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.