7 Grocery Chains Have Agreed To #StarveTheBigots And Keep Supporting Gay People

And other Dada news headlines!

Dash MacIntyre
5 min readJun 1


Photo (cropped) by Brian Kyed on Unsplash

Remember that each of these Dada news headlines are certifiably halfway true:

  • A group of 35 MAGA fans in Idaho are on a hunger strike, and say they will not eat again until every corporation in America renounces homosexuality.
  • Target employees say they can monitor when right wing, anti-gay protesters are coming to their store from the map on Grindr that shows users’ locations.
  • Ron DeSantis’s plan to give teachers guns is backfiring because now all of Florida’s teachers are forcing students at gunpoint to write essays on the history of drag queens and poetry about the majestic beauty of gay sex.
  • A virulently homophobic pastor from Arkansas who was recently hospitalized with a dildo up his butt claims Target employees snuck it into his cart, he unwittingly purchased it, and then he accidentally fell on it while praying.
  • Florida Republicans are trying to ban “feminine products” from regular stores so Christians don’t have to see them, and have proposed creating a DMV-like government building where women will have to get a ticket and wait hours in order to buy tampons, pads, and Vagisil.
  • QAnon fans say the Democrat-favoring debt ceiling deal is making them begin to worry that Joe Biden isn’t actually Donald Trump wearing Biden’s face as a disguise.
  • A top White House official says Kevin McCarthy cried on Joe Biden’s shoulder last night over the likelihood that their budget deal will make him lose his speakership after only 5 months.
  • Donald Trump says the criminal investigation into the classified documents he stole is a witch hunt because he made sure to cross out all the important details with his Sharpie marker before passing them on to the Saudis.
  • An increasingly paranoid Donald Trump is reportedly making his lawyers strip down to their underwear during meetings to ensure none of them are wearing secret recording devices.
  • Donald Trump was seen walking around the Mar-a-Lago lunch buffet today holding a…



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.